The Star Tribune published an interesting article titled "Marital Misfortune".
It begins by discussing the break up of Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe (I know, I am crushed about that and the break up of Pam and Kid Rock..... *L*). It lays the break up on Reese's career and earnings eclipsing Ryan's. This is cited as a common cause for marital strain. The article launches into a discussion of how the split in house hold earnings can affect the stability of the relationship.
I honestly do not undertand it. The OH is teacher. It is a poorly paying career and it is no surprise that working in engineering/sales my earning have greatly eclipsed the OH's. It has forced us to make some odd choices over the years in regards to our marital roles. Some how we have survived these trials with no major problems. We will be celebrating our 25th anniversary next month and there does not appear to be a divorce on the horizon. If so many marriages fail because of this, why is ours still viable?
Could it be that we both knew this would likely be the case when we married? Is it related to that little "P" on the lab report pushing us into decision making before we had a chance to think? Does it have anything to do with the fact that I have (and express) a tremendous amount of respect for any one that has the dedication and skills to be a good teacher? Would it be different if we were talking $millions$?
I don't have the answer as why it has worked for us. I do know that with the rise of women in the workforce and the slow equalization of earnings, this will become a more common scenario in the coming decades. Will the next generation deal with it better than us?
mmmmmm, Ryan's kind of hot.... I wonder if he likes older women?
13 comments:
As an engineer also, I have been used to making the most money in our household. But my wife, a doctor, will soon be making more than I and I'm not worried. I guess I don't know why other than our financial goals have always been identical. We think of money the same, as a means to an end of working for others and starting to work for ourselves. Of course if she started making millions and George Clooney was suddenly interested in her, I might be out on the street before I know it.
I can't see how this could be a factor unless the husband was really really insecure.
P.S. - Reese Witherspoon is adorable. A good actress, too.
Perhaps it is not Reece's earnings, but her power in Hollywood. Personally, I think having lots of $$$ or power or fame would probably strain many marriages. Me and hubbie? Probably.
Personally, I use hubbie as my personal sex toy and he likes it that way. But if I made millions - I guess the only difference would be that he would have to be both a sex toy and figure out how to have us hold onto the millions.
Mal,
I know this may sound a bit superficial but I judge a woman by her sex skills and not her earnings potential. Money is overrated.
When Mr. Incredible and I first got married I made more money than he did. It didn't bother either one of us - because it was ours - not his and hers. He now makes more than I - and still it's ours.
Gee--an actor who's insecure? Whodathunkit?
There was another breakup earlier this year with the same reason given. It was the formerly estranged semi-celebrity father of the woman who piped up and gave us the information. I'm drawing a blank on who it was.
I would have no problem marrying a woman who earned more than me.
Hey Mal--pirates are kinda cute, too!
yeharr
I'll take Reese and you can have Ryan, and not becasue Reese has/makes more money. Sounds fair to me.
When The Missus and I were both working for the same company, she was a buyer, and I was an HR weenie. She made much more than me. Somehow, we were fine with it. If she had continued with her career, she would have made far more than I ever did.
No problem with us.
Money is one of, if not the biggest reason for divorces. Amazing really, that an abstract (and yet very material) concept can tear people apart so easily. I think finding someone with similar financial goals and figuring out how to adjust your attitude from what is mine or yours vs. ours is harder than it sounds.
When it comes to salary, I'm of the opinion that it's not the size that matters but how you use it.
I wrote something on this titled Do Career Women Make Rotten Wives?. I think it all depends on the mix.
In my case, I love who I am and won't give that up for anyone. Who I am is more important than who I am with, for now. If the guy that wants me really wants me, he won't mind that I'm a hard worker and make a lot of money, own my own things, etc.
Money always stresses relationships, it's just a matter of to what degree. Hopefully both people work together to relieve the stress, rather than working against each other.
When it comes to famous people (like Reese and her hubby), I think ego is just as big a problem, along with the stresses of public life. Could you imagine if you made the papers anytime you had a disagreement with your spouse? Luckily, nobody gives a shit when Cranky and I fight...
Reese & Ryan probably had that old ego-problem actors seam to have. Hey! I saw Rent! And a close friend told me it’s strenuous for relationships with actor/actress when one get more plays than the other. I could see that.
You and OH must have managed to do what I hope to be able to find someone to do with: work as a unit and do what is best for the whole unit. If it means you bringing home the big dough and OH working as a teacher: so be it. As long as both are happy in the unit. A man who does not value himself by the money he brings in: that’s what I want! It’s attractive with good self esteem. Especially when it comes from within.
What can I say: you ROCK!
Hey. Did you hear what's her name on NPR today, you know, Ann Landers daughter, talking about celebrodreck? What the heck was that about?
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